XO Talks brings creative and inspiring voices together with guests at XO Cape Arnna for meaningful conversations by the sea. Created as a space for curiosity, reflection and fresh ideas, the series will welcome guests from the worlds of art, literature, sport and contemporary culture.
The first XO Talks guest was Deniz Dülgeroğlu, whose talk, “The Art of Doing Nothing,” explored why switching off can feel so difficult in modern life. With warmth, humour and a personal point of view, she reflected on rest, productivity and the guilt that can come with simply slowing down. A yoga session after the talk carried the idea beyond words and into the body.
XO Talks will continue with new guests from different disciplines in the months ahead, with the talks also set to be shared on our YouTube channel.
Below, you can read the full transcript.
The Art of Doing Nothing
Hello everyone.
I find it very interesting that there is more than one person in this room. Why would anyone in their right mind want to listen to a speech at 9.30 in the morning? In a five-star hotel? In Fethiye?
Just kidding. Thank you for coming.
Since you’re here to listen to me, I want to share something that’s been bothering me for a while.
It’s… men.
Don’t get me wrong. They can be really nice. Sometimes. But sometimes they also tell these stories, and you never know whether they’re telling the truth or whether you should really believe them, right?
So, I want to tell you a story told by a man.
Two thousand five hundred years ago.
And you can decide whether he was telling the truth.
This man was called Aesop.
And this story is about the ant and the grasshopper.
It’s summertime. The grasshopper spends his days singing, dancing and enjoying the sunshine, like many of us would do. Meanwhile, the ant works hard all season long, carrying food back to his nest to store for the winter.
So when winter comes, the grasshopper has no food. He’s cold and starving. He goes to the ant to beg for something to eat.
But the ant — being a total buzzkill — says:
“What did you do all summer long? Go on. Go dance.”
So Aesop — definitely another buzzkill — planted this idea in our heads:
If you decide to have fun and enjoy your life, you’ll pay for it later.
This idea has become such a phenomenon that it even has a name now:
Rest guilt.
Rest guilt is the anxiety or shame that arises when you stop being productive and try to relax. It often leaves you with a nagging feeling that you should be doing something else.
Of course, Aesop isn’t the only one responsible for this guilt.
Let’s list all of them.
Social media.
Does anyone not have Instagram in this room?
Then you know how amazing everyone else’s life looks online. They’re all so happy and so busy. Everyone’s doing something.
Sooo… you feel like you’re falling behind.
You’re lying by the pool, happy with your loved one, thinking you’re living the dream. Then you open Instagram and see someone else living a better dream.
And suddenly your life needs an update.
Hustle culture.
Modern culture loves slogans like, “You can do anything.”
So you believe that if you just work hard enough, you can get a better body, be a better mother, do better at work, buy a better car, cook a better dish and take better photos.
And because you’re told you have unlimited potential, choosing to rest starts to feel like wasting your own talent.
So it turns into guilt.
You don’t even need a boss anymore — your inner voice is your boss now. It always wants you to do more and more.
Your parents.
We’re not blaming them, but let’s understand the situation.
If they had high expectations and gave you a little more warmth when you performed well, it probably planted a seed in your brain:
Your worth equals your performance.
When I perform, I’m loved.
When I stop performing, love disappears.
And over time, that becomes automatic.
It’s in this room.
It’s you.
If you’re a perfectionist — meaning you have very high standards — resting can feel like laziness. This may cause you to avoid rest.
I see so many of you looking at me with understanding eyes.
The not-so-friendly ghost of rest guilt probably haunts you too.
You can’t enjoy your mojito at the pool bar properly because this ghost whispers in your ear:
“You lazy piece of work!”
But I have good news.
Remember, we talked about how hard it is to believe the stories men tell, right?
It’s because they sometimes lie.
I mean, not always.
But sometimes.
Well — Aesop lied too.
Because he didn’t tell us the rest of the story.
Here’s the truth.
Coming from a woman.
The ant was actually a workaholic.
He worked nonstop because he was terrified of starving in the winter.
Meaning: he had an anxiety problem — he just wasn’t aware of it.
He worked without rest, and that led to burnout.
Then the burnout turned into depression, and he had to stop working completely.
He was so depressed that he stopped eating completely, and all of that food he had carried back to his nest had to be sent to the grasshopper.
That winter, the poor ant was prescribed antidepressants and had to start seeing a therapist.
The therapist told him to take some time off work and go on holiday in Fethiye.
We don’t want that, do we?
I mean, except for the Fethiye part.
Then we must understand something:
Rest isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity.
It really is.
Let me prove it to you, so that whenever a certain ghost tells you you’re being lazy, you can tell it to shut up.
While you’re awake and busy, your brain produces waste. The fancy scientific name is beta-amyloid, and it’s linked to Alzheimer’s.
The system that clears it out works during deep rest.
So taking a nap by the pool is not laziness. Deep rest gives your brain and body the space they need to recover.
You’re basically at a medical retreat.
Rest lowers your stress hormones.
Constant work keeps you in “fight or flight” mode — a racing heart, high blood pressure, cortisol pumping.
Real rest switches you into “rest and digest” mode, which is very necessary after lunch on an all-inclusive holiday.
Rest protects your heart and your immune system.
Studies link never taking holidays to a higher risk of heart disease and early death.
So a holiday, quite literally, is saving your life.
Attention is like a muscle.
It gets tired.
You might find it more difficult to pay attention to what your partner is saying when they speak for a little too long.
Your attention might be getting tired right now from listening to me.
Well, that’s exactly why we have a yoga class right after my speech.
Your attention needs to rest.
And burnout comes directly from not resting.
And here’s the crucial part:
Stopping physically isn’t enough.
You have to switch off mentally too.
“Just one quick email” — and the recovery is broken.
Well, here’s the irony:
Rest actually makes you more productive.
Step away from a problem, let your mind wander, and you’ll solve it faster.
Overwork eventually gives you less and less back.
Rest isn’t the enemy of productivity.
It’s the fuel.
In one line:
You skip rest, and the whole system collapses.
So, we should take rest very, very seriously.
And when you’re on holiday, it is absolutely crucial that you do…
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
But how?
Luckily, I’ve been in this hotel for four days now — purely for scientific research, of course — and I’ve curated a list of nothings, just for you.
So today, please put away your to-do list and pick up your brand-new nothing-to-do list.
Find a makeup tutorial on YouTube and reinvent yourself for dinner.
Try a hairstyle you’d never dare to wear at home.
Get fully dressed up.
Pretend you’re a model.
Do a photoshoot.
Make your daughter, husband, boyfriend or tripod take 200 shots.
Pick one.
Make it your new profile picture.
Create a fake backstory for yourself and try it out on a stranger at the bar.
You’re an ex-actress in your own country.
Commit to it.
Don’t worry.
No one has any idea who you really are.
What happens in Turkey stays in Turkey.
Enjoy your life in a parallel universe.
I’m sure your new friend will enjoy it too.
At lunch, take ice cream, fruit, whatever you want, and build your own dessert.
Name it after yourself and share it with the world.
Do towel origami.
Watch a quick tutorial online and try folding a swan.
Or an elephant.
Don’t ask me why.
Why not, if it’s going to make you smile?
Name your inner child and do everything they want.
Calories don’t count on holiday.
That’s science.
Start with dessert and don’t stop yourself.
Go on the waterslides.
Jump on the trampoline.
Who’s going to judge you?
You’re an ex-actress, remember?
Watch the sunset without filming it.
Radical, I know.
Just… with your eyes.
Like it’s 1994.
Go to the hammam and wash yourself.
Take your time.
If you have a partner, wash each other.
It’s bonding — the way monkeys clean each other.
And give each other a massage, either at the hammam or back in your room.
Up to you.
Go to the pool area, find a sunlounger that faces the gym, look at the people training in there and be quietly thankful that it isn’t you suffering on the treadmill.
Get a coffee and drink it slowly on a walk along the beach.
Float in the sea until you forget which country you’re in.
If you have a boyfriend or a husband, send him to the barber — and the kids with him, if you have them.
While he gets his ears waxed Turkish-style, enjoy your me-time.
It can be a massage.
It can be a drink.
It can be whatever.
But just you.
Read a book.
Just because you enjoy it.
No self-development.
Pure fiction.
Learn three words of Turkish and try to use them.
The staff will love you for trying.
Write a letter to your city self — the stressed one back home — reminding her to relax.
Poor thing.
And finally, tell your family you have a headache.
Find some shade.
And take a nap so committed that a member of staff comes to check whether you’re okay.
That’s your list.
A whole list that reminds you to do absolutely nothing.
Finish it all and congratulations:
You have officially failed to be productive.
I’m so proud of you.
Before I let you go, I want to give you a Turkish word.
As a gift.
The word is:
Keyif.
It’s almost impossible to translate.
It’s not just “relaxing.”
It’s not just “happy.”
Keyif is that deep, warm, slow feeling of a beautiful moment — with absolutely nowhere else to be.
A cold drink as the sun goes down.
The sea in front of you.
Laughing about a silly joke with the people you love.
We don’t really have that word in English.
And maybe that says everything about how the West has been living.
Remember, Aesop was a liar.
Don’t listen to him.
Don’t be the ant.
You’ve been the ant for too long, carrying so many things and so many people.
While you’re in this beautiful hotel, in Fethiye, let the hotel be the ant.
And you?
You get to be the grasshopper.
Sing.
Dance.
Sit in the sun.
Eat that dessert you named after yourself.
Because here’s the secret the ant never learned:
The grasshopper wasn’t lazy.
The grasshopper was just… smarter.
He enjoyed life while he could.
And when you really think about it, what’s the point of living if you’re not enjoying it?
Thank you for coming.
Please let go of the guilt and give in to keyif today.
And please — for the sake of science — do absolutely nothing.
Deniz Dülgeroğlu
